This is an unedited, exhausted, perspective of the last 24 hours, sitting in a hospital. I hope it encourages you.
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Earlier today, a friend texted me asking for a favor. I simply replied with an apology, that I was unable to do it right now. She then responded asking me if I was ok and said my message “sounded like it had layers to it.” And for some strange reason, that just wrecked me. Yes friend, layers there are. And how beautiful it is to be so known by another.
What my friend didn’t know yet was I was sitting beside my husbands hospital bed. Where a soaked heaviness, a helplessness, was growing in my flesh. It’s been quite a day. It’s not as bad as it could be; but my husband is definitely sick, and in enormous pain. Strangely vulnerable and weak. And that is unsettling. Also unsettling is the cold, irrelevant stillness of a hospital. Time seems to pause inside these walls. One can lose perspective of daylight and be uncertain if night has fallen. Unaware of the continued whirling outside. It is a somber place, a hospital. A place where the frailty of life gets reckoned with.
It is in these situations, we are called to step up and be strong and level headed, all while our loved ones are suffering. We are immersed into a forced humility- unable to fix them. Unable to heal them. Unable to take their place. Unable to make sense of the situation. Brought low, our words run off the pages, our fears rush in; there are questions we forget to ask, and answers we don’t always want. It’s all so strange.
Yes, I will lay my hands over him and pray; pray for mercy from a wonderful Father. For comfort and peace. Yes, friends and family will pray. I know they are. But in the end: Gods Will will be done. Prayers may be answered in ways we don’t expect or want, but they will be answered one way or another. Gods way.
And this too can be unsettling, if we let it.
But instead we must choose to be resolved by that truth, committed to that truth: that His will is going to done, regardless of how it pains us. The sublime detail is that we can trust God with our loved ones. And in these moments of unwell, we must. It is how we abide in Him…how we practice and exercise our faith. It is how we walk out what we have been proclaiming.
It is how we walk in the fire and end up refined.
There is no way to skate around the discomfort that erupts from your loved ones being unwell. Unwell in any form, any severity. It is a hard place to find yourself, unable to make them well again. We want so badly to right wrongs don’t we? But in the murkiness, we must recognize this wrong will only be righted in Gods time, by Gods hand, in Gods manner. It is in this place of helplessness, there is freedom. A sweet understanding of knowing that my only contribution at this moment is my presence. The load is lifted from me to have the answers, or solutions.
What I can do is reassure my husband I am here, I am available, I am walking through the valley with him even if I can’t feel what he feels. I will help carry his burdens by loving him and never letting any illness keep me from him. By praying for him and reminding him who he belongs to and where his future is held. These are the things I can lovingly do in the midst of his hard times.
You can do the same my friends. When your loved ones are sick, broken, weary, worn, injured or vulnerable, simply be there for them. Don’t hesitate to love them in that stale bed, even if you don’t know what to do with the mess. And just as I am choosing to be present for my husband, so many incredible people are choosing to be present with us. Some of our closest friends just left after sitting with us, in this uncomfortable place. They stayed when they could have been anywhere else. Such an illustration of how we can be there for others, how we can love one another, well.
Ironically, our woman’s group has been studying the book of Galatians the last few weeks. Specifically, in chapter 6, the Apostle Paul is teaching the people what it means to carry another’s burdens. It’s all so odd to me how I’ve been studying that specific lesson all week and now not only am I given an opportunity to do it, but I’ve also become the recipient of allowing others to share in our load. God sure loves to show off.
My encouragement for today? When given an opportunity to be present with a loved one in their suffering, don’t shy away from it. Hold their delicate brokenness in your hands gently, careful to treat it well. Use the occasion before you to sit in the heavy spaces and walk through the darkest valleys with compassion and affection. No matter what the diagnosis is or the prognosis becomes, stay. Being present with another is pure gold. (For another perspective on being present, visit this blogpost from my daughter, a gifted woman in so many ways. Being Fully Engaged & Practicing Presence).
Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2
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