putting the shovel down...
My blank screen has been glared at frequently over the last few weeks. Thoughts like Pop Rocks bouncing around in my head. Unable to gain any traction or even land at all. But finally, fresh off a massage table, a sweet soul with a set of gifted hands intersected my thoughts and sparked an ah ha moment. We'll get to that later.
For now let’s talk about the prophet Jonah. Such a scoundrel. I mean, just rotten. He fled God’s instructions to go and warn the scary, brutal people of Nineveh that God was on his way; coming to destroy them because of their sin. Jonah literally ran away from this assignment, in the opposite direction no less, and after hiding in the belly of a ship, landed in the belly of a fish. You know the story. Yes gutless Jonah was tossed into the guts of a fish. Ironic.
After three days of hearing God’s voice commanding him to get up go to Nineveh, the fish spit out a whining Jonah, and off he finally went. (Because we cannot hide from God and He will always win when we wrestle). I imagine Jonah kicked rocks and sighed and pouted the entire way. A tantrum no doubt. Nevertheless, as he approached Nineveh, he spread Gods message to the crowds, declaring their city would be destroyed in 40 days if they did not repent. Even during his reluctant disobedience, Gods purpose for Jonah carried on.
In what I can only imagine as a messy and chaotic but oh-so-beautiful revival, the King and the people repented in masses and bowed to God. They turned from their evil ways. Hallelujah! But then, Jonah was greatly displeased and became furious. Jonah 4:1. What? Jonah shared the message of God, the people believed, turned from sin, given grace, and now Jonah was furious? This makes no sense. It’s just absurd!
I have been dissecting this story for weeks; Jonahs anger unsettling me. I cannot fathom it. Though digging and digging to know why, all I have are piles of dirt and no more information.
Recently it came to me that what actually unsettles me is the ending of the story. Because there really isn’t one. We don’t know what happened to Jonah after the plant and the worm and the scorching wind. We don’t know what he did, or where he went. Did God allow his tantrums to continue or did he pour wrath over him in the dangerous heat? Did Jonah apologize, have a change of heart, and go back to rejoice with the newly saved Gentiles? But the message I kept getting was the more digging I did, the more frustrated I became.
Seeking answers that never come can eventually send us in a twisted downward spiral.
More ironic in all this is the recent passing of my mom and the questions that have plagued me. Apparently I needed yet another lesson in letting go. Answers did not come how I wanted, but they did come, perfectly. You can read about that in previous posts, https://michellehatter.wixsite.com/givengrace/post/now-there-is-just-this-left-my-moms-death
Furthermore, our world is pretty darn fixated on knowledge. On information. It has become an idol of many and can lead one down a dangerous path. The more you know the more power you have. The more you learn the more influence you carry. The more scholarly you are the more you are worth. The more enlightened you are the more virtuous you appear. And in the Biblical world, the more you study doctrine, the more “Christian” you are.
Or are you?
Knowing many things can sway us toward an endless appetite for knowing more things. And knowing many things does not guarantee we know the right things. Knowing strives for enlightenment, and that trend is dangerously close to self-serving.
Oftentimes being ‘smarter’ spills over into pride and leaves humility in its wake. Whether secular arrogance or spiritual pride, both are ugly all the same.
A feeling of conviction began stirring in me over how much I have worshiped my own studying. Digging deep into every text, every verse, every word. Knowing the author, the date, the audience, the context. Figuring out which language is being spoken and then which commentary I can trust. All to gain more knowledge, more information. It is so invigorating…yet so hazardous. A dizzying cycle that never gets satisfied.
The problem with all that brain knowledge is that it can ultimately drain the battery of our heart. It certainly has mine. I struggle to hear God and instead stay tuned in to all I’ve learned…on my own. Setting human limits of understanding on the limitless, immeasurable, living truth. The more I learn the more I question, and the less my heart hears Gods voice.
The heart wants to believe, the head wants to poke holes.
Is it bad to be educated and know things? Of course not! We want our doctors, engineers and scientists to be well educated and know all they need to know to do their job well. It is not in these scopes of practices that information is a bad thing. Some professionals need to know many things, and do so with great responsibility and privelage.
It is also a good time to point out that knowledge and wisdom are not the same. Wisdom, or discernment, is good. King Solomon illustrates a holy longing for wisdom can bring about a holy purpose.
But is what you have been digging after a need-to-know thing? As a Christian, are you constantly pining for more knowledge so you can know what only God can reveal? Do you seek to know Gods' character or just His plans? Are you truly resting in the promises you have received or do you feel you need to see the ending before everyone else? Are you seeking information for selfish gain or to serve others?
Check your heart and make sure it's fully charged with proper positioning.
Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up. If anyone thinks he knows anything, he does not yet know it as he ought to know it. But if anyone loves God, he is known by him. 1 Cor 8:1-3
I made known to some trusted friends the other night that I need to take a sabbatical from studying. Time to rest, and listen. I am putting my shovel down. I don’t want to be like Eve and instead want to be more like Mary. I mean, Eve y’all. What a mess she made. Knowing too much, or the temptation to want to gain too much information can be a curse and we are all living proof from the Garden. Were we not warned from the get go?
Back to Jonah. In my conviction I realized God obviously doesn’t want us to know the end of the story- or we would have it. It would have been written for us. So maybe this is a reminder we sometimes need to simply believe what the Lord has for us without unearthing every dusty piece of information. Embrace the evidence He reveals all around us instead of needing more proof, more explanations. And if we knew as much as we often want to know, we would no longer need Gods sovereignty. Or we would end up doubting it.
That is where I land today, taking a break from plowing. To get out of His way and simply hear what He has to say without all the noise. And information is noise. Which reminds me of another post- how a noisy flock of geese disrupted my quiet time. Again, noise pollutes our hearing the Father. And we have not even talked about the internet, social media, technology, or GPS. We are so addicted to knowledge and information that we can hardly stand it when we don’t know who sings that song or who invented the hot dog or any other random useless thing that takes up brain cells. Ugh. We love to know it all.
We have inflated our brains while suffocating our hearts...and my heart needs oxygen today.
Now back to the massage table. I see the same gal on a semi regular schedule. She is like sweet milk and honey for my neck tension using deep kneading and painful excavating of tightly wound knots. But today was different… and apparently Spirit led.
The entire hour was unusually gentle. Relaxing even. I wasn’t flinching the tension out, it was just absent. Afterward, she shared her heart with me. And used the word "dig" twice. My heart perked up. She said she learned in massage school that sometimes a gentle touch was more than enough to smooth out the tightest knots. And in an unexpected moment today, she realized she didn’t have to “dig so deep” to get to my knots. She felt that God, who created my body, would release those knots and all she had to do was gently facilitate. She was led to let God work it out- no heavy digging required today. And we both agreed it worked… and gave me chill bumps of confirmation.
Wow. Less really can be more.
The Bible is the breathing, living Word of God. It cannot be contained and neatly packed into tiny boxes. While the words were written at a certain time and to certain people, I am reminded they were written to continue speaking to every person in every generation. If we try to only read in one context, we might be limiting the message God wants us to hear. It completely applies to you and me, right where we are today. God will do the heavy work in us, the words on the page facilitate.
For now, I am going to read the Bible and gently let the words wash over me. The way her hands did. Let the words smooth out any doubts or tensions and hear what ever God wants to tell me. And believe they will say exactly what I need to know. And nothing less.
What do you need to stop digging into these days? Or digging up? Where can you let go of the need to know, and be ok in the uncomfortable place of not having answers? What can you choose to believe rather than outsmart? How can you let go of having all the information and simply rest in what you already know to be true? Where can you let your faith sustain you rather than feed the belly of knowledge?
Be well my friends. Hold truth firmly while letting noise gently fall away.
Lord, my heart is not proud; my eyes are not haughty. I do not get involved in things too great or too wondrous for me. Instead, I have calmed and quieted my soul like a weaned child with its mother; my soul is like a weaned child. Psalm 131
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