counterculture: Gods design for radical love.

Today I am feeling compelled to finally write about a conversation I’ve been having with my closest friends. I want to talk about love. Gods perfect love. His design for love, His command to love, His definition of love. But also our response and often faulty interpretation of love. Where this goes may be uncomfortable, and may not sit well with you and I am ok with that. Because I believe we are being called and prompted to boldly challenge the way we have been doing love. It is because of a particular friendship in my life that I am being challenged myself with how God wants me to love. My own assumptions and beliefs about love have exposed a watered down, selfish and self protective paradigm in me that is being shifted…rewired…and finally coming into alignment with the character and will of God. It feels powerful and violent at times. But His perfect love is both of those.

When I reflect on the love that God designed and created us from, I can’t help but be blown away by its power…its scope. Its potential. Gods love has the power to change this worlds standing - as already proven on the cross. His love is vast, and wide, and deeper than our human minds can fathom (Ephesians 3:18-19). It pushes far past any human boundary and blows right past any limitation known by this fallen world. And the world, we, have in many ways corrupted, weaponized and distorted Gods love.

Gods love is the foundation for the creation of Adam and Eve, the garden, the beginning. Gods love for the Israelites is why He parted the Red Sea. It’s why He fell the walls of Jericho. It’s why He brought the flood, plagues, and His Son. If God did not love us, none of those things would have been needed.

We know from 1 John 4:16  that God is love. For the purposes of this writing, I will assume we are all under that same foundational belief that God IS love. Once we agree that to be true, we can start to explore who, what, why, when and how we are to love.

The first mention of love in the Bible is God is instructing Abraham to sacrifice his son, whom he loves (Genesis 22:2). The word love here is a verb, and reflects human to human love in its absolute form, and is opposed to hate. Fascinating that the first time love is mentioned references the sacrifice of a son…the foreshadowing of God sacrificing His own Son out of His great love for us. This first mention of the word love also does not fit into the four other distinct type of love found in the New Testament. It is a unique form of love.

From there, love is used over and over throughout scripture to describe many relationships, in many various ways. There are four types of love referenced throughout the New Testament. Agape is the most wholly, pure, sacrificial form of love. That is Gods love toward us…agape.  It is selfless, unconditional, and the highest form of love one could describe. This is the love for humanity and the type of love we are called to have for each other, especially fellow believers. Philia is another form of love, brotherly love, which refers to friendship and affection. This is a friendly love. Eros is the romantic, passionate type of love that is typically expressed with sexual intimacy. We read of this form of love in the Song of Solomon. The last type is storge, which describes family bonds and the love between family members that is a natural devotion.

When considering love and all its variations, I often see them crossing over and intersecting with each other. In other words, can we have storge for our children and also feel agape for them? Of course we can. The different loves, while distinct from one another, are not exclusive. But one thing is clear in the Bible, God is agape love every time, in every way.

How do we know God is agape love? “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8)”.  In John, we read “We love, because he first loved us (1 John 4:19)”. In the book of John, we have this clue from the time when Jesus washed the disciples feet: “Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end (John 13:1)”. All three of these examples are translated in the Greek form as agape. These uses are repeated over and over again in scripture. Agape is used over 115 times in the New Testament.

Gods Design for Love

Back to the design, from the very beginning, love was not optional — it was the very essence of life. We were "made in the image of God (Genesis 1:26–27)", and “God is love (1 John 4:8)”. That means love isn’t just something we do; it’s supposed to be the foundation of who we are. Even before creation, love existed. In the mystery of the Trinity, the Father, Son, and Spirit shared perfect unity, joy, and mutual self-giving (John 17:20–23). God didn’t create us because He needed love, He already had it in fullness. He created us to share that love, to reflect His heart into the world. When God revealed Himself to Moses, His description of His character began not with His power, but with His love: “The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness (Exodus 34:6).”

So we can know for certain, love was always the plan.

The Command to Love

When Jesus came, He didn’t just affirm the old command to “love your neighbor”,  He radically escalated it. “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another (John 13:34).” Here, as I have loved you does not mean “as much as you can manage” or “as long as they deserve it.” His love was patient with the weak, fierce for the oppressed, forgiving toward the betrayer, and relentless toward the lost. All of those include you and me. Paul goes on to echo this in Romans 13:8–10, “Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.” Loving one another fulfills the law. And then there’s the most scandalous command of all: “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you… For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have?  (Matthew 5:44, 46).” So you see, love is not just the center of God’s law, it is the very proof that we belong to Him (John 13:35).

How We’ve Corrupted the Design

Have we turned love into something small, safe, and selective? In the United States, cultural waves have reshaped love into a shallow reflection of its biblical meaning. Here are just a few ways I myself have witnessed (and also been prone to do) the misuse of Gods perfect love:

• Making it conditional:  We love those who treat us well, agree with us, or fit our social circle. We've made God’s love self-giving (John 15:13), and we’ve made it about our own personal fulfillment. If it no longer makes us happy, we tend to leave. If it is uncomfortable, we push it away.

• Tolerance as Love: The culture teaches that “love” means never challenging or confronting others, but Scripture says love rejoices in the truth (1 Corinthians 13:6).

• Approval as Love:  Many believe disagreement is unloving. Yet Jesus loved people deeply and called them to repentance (John 8:11).

• We reduce it to sentiment:  We think of love as warm feelings instead of sacrificial action. Love is not however just a feeling, there is action in loving someone. “For this is what love for God is: to keep his commands (1 John 4:3).”

• We let fear rule us:  Afraid of being taken advantage of, misunderstood, or rejected, we withdraw. Fear of offense, rejection, or “cancelation” silences believers, yet perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18).

• We justify our inaction:  We call it 'wisdom' when we really mean self-protection. But John tells us to “not love in word or speech, but in action and truth (1 John 3:18)”.

• Performative Love:  Social media encourages public acts of kindness for 'likes', but Jesus warned against practicing righteousness to be seen by others (Matthew 6:1–4).

Many of those incorrect applications of love are fear based. But fear is the very thing that love was meant to drive out (2 Timothy 1:7, 1 John 4:18). When we withhold love out of fear, we are living the opposite of God’s design. The result of these corruptions? A culture that speaks of love often but rarely practices it as God intended.

The Call to Radical, Fearless Love

God’s love doesn’t calculate the risk before acting. It does not shy away from danger or those who don’t appear clean enough to have earned it. It moves toward the leper, the outcast, the enemy. It runs down the road to embrace the prodigal. It found me there. It washes the feet of the betrayer. It has washed mine. It leaves 99 to rein even one back in. That was me. To love like this will cost us. It will seem risky. We may be misunderstood, rejected, or wounded. But our security is not in the approval of people, but in the unshakable love of God. Jesus told the story of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25–37) to make this point clear: love is defined not by the worthiness of the recipient, but by the mercy of the giver.

If we are to obey God’s command, we must take deliberate steps to love fearlessly again. We must invest in others. We must pray for a heart like Jesus. We must move toward hard places. Love the people who drain us, disagree with us, or can’t repay us. We must be quick to forgive and extend grace. We must make His love visible: speak it, show it, live it in public and in private.

As a culture, we have made love safe, selective, and comfortable. But God’s love is radical and dangerous. It is costly, and yet it is fearless. Somewhere along the way, the Church has forgotten the radical command of Jesus — to love as He loved us, without condition and without fear. Our culture overuses the concept of love, and has redefined it into something bland, tasteless. We often redesign it to fit our own agenda. I feel a rising in my chest that says it’s time to return to God’s design. Perfect love still casts out fear today— if we dare to step into it.

Practically Speaking, What Does This Love Look Like?

Before I finish this post, I’ll revisit my personal understanding of living in Gods perfect love which has been evident in both my husband and in friendship. I am deeply grateful for the many Godly women and deep relationships the Lord has surrounded me with. However, over the last year, the story of King David and Jonathan has played out in my life in a palpable way through the friendship of one in particular. Knitted souls for certain. I also have beautiful, perfect love with my husband, my Hosea.

But how it looks to live in this space of generous, extravagant love has taken examination, trust, intentionality, obedience and surrender. What does it look like to show Gods sacrificial love to others? For me, to love unconditionally means never holding back forgiveness, and always extending grace willingly, joyfully. To remind them of who they are in Christ. To care for their soul, their very own relationship with God. To encourage them when needed and challenge them just as often. To see and share in Gods glory in everything. Praying with, and for one another, often. Being patient, gentle and compassionate. Holding His will above all other things for each other. Being willing to have courageous conversations that are hard. Giving them your time, attention and resources. Pointing them to the Father. Having a selfless concern for them, and being ready to fight for their soul. Showing affection, shedding tears, asking questions...all while laughing and in silence. Perfect love means never running away from someone, but being vulnerable and willing to stay when it would be easier to leave. It means to give of yourself and not expect anything in return.

It is my personal prayer that we, as the Church, do not settle for safe, selective or comfortable love. That we return to the fearless, radical love of God — and the world will know we belong to Jesus by the way we love.

“…that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith — that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend… the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge…” — Ephesians 3:17–19