Today I am thinking about joy. Because over the course my life I have often been accused of being too serious, too uptight, too heavy hearted. Not playful enough. Not happy enough. Lacking joy. For too long, I have allowed others to spark doubt in me that I had any joy at all, or at least, not enough of it.
And on more occasions that I want to admit, I have been in the midst of people laughing, playing, and felt utterly alone. Detached. Somehow able to be all by myself while in a room crowded with overly happy people. At times even admiring those who are having such fun and their effortless ability to let themselves go. Before giving my life to Christ I too could get there, but only while under the influence of alcohol, or drugs.
Now, being sober minded seems to have sealed me with an even more inhibited sobering demeanor. And while I can probably go back to my childhood and find a multitude of events that would explain this serious part of me, all I know is it is weighing heavily on me today. Can I be filled with joy if I don’t join in the fun? Can I be joyful while remaining quiet and withdrawn? Have I stifled the joy of the Lord? Am I taking this world too serious?
Am I too damaged, too broken, too scarred, to ever have real joy? These are the questions I’ve grappled with. Questions that have brought doubt, brought weariness, and brought condemnation of self.
Without discerning between the two, maybe I have incorrectly equated joy with happiness. It does seem to make sense that people who are happy are joyful. And people filled with joy are happy. But do they really mean the same thing?
Do they really come from the same place and serve the same purpose and glorify the same true God? Do they bring the same results? These are the questions I have on a subject that on a palatable surface seems so very simple. And if you ask my joyful husband, he will tell you I have already thought way too hard about this.
Clarity Arrived.
In church last weekend, clarity finally arrived. As one loose thread was tugged from a tightly wound system, an unraveling of doubts began.
At first, I was having difficulty connecting dots in the message. Then before I knew it, joy was the message and my ears perked up. My heart began to listen. To preface, in the book of Nehemiah Chapter 8, the people of Israel were returning from exile, grieving over their own behavior as they heard Ezra read Gods laws to them. They felt deep condemnation, weeping over not having lived in alignment with His laws. But then Nehemiah tells the people, “…go rejoice, do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength”. Basically, do not feel condemned; instead celebrate!
Fast forward to Chapter 12, the exiled people had completed the rebuilding of the walls in Jerusalem. They had finally been faithful and carried out instructions that God had sent, sticking to His will like glue. They had eventually placed God in the proper position in their lives: a place of holy worship. They returned to Him after going their own way for so long.
Then after completing the walls they held a glorious ceremonial celebration. Party on! Dedicating the walls to God, while celebrating and worshipping His greatness. It was a beautiful occasion decorated with songs and praise. Gratitude. Reverence. The joy of the Lord came through His being reunited with them after they had gone astray.
Hmmm. That all hits pretty close to home.
Similarly in John 15:11 Jesus says, “These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.” There Jesus refers to His own joy as being in them. Jesus said that just after illustrating what it meant to be in the vine; moving toward a perfect union with and abiding in Him. So again, this points to the closer we dwell in the Lord, and move in accordance with Gods will, the more we will share in the joy of the Lord; and the more it will sustain us and be our strength.
A side note, one of my favorite things to do, talk about, and experience, is a musical form of worship. In those moments, of praise and worship with song, I can truly let go. I can walk out a freedom that I might hold back most other times. In worship, I experience something true, something holy, something proper…though I’ve never known what that something was.
Now back to church. As I sat listening to the message on Sunday, Matt Giles described a happiness connected to dopamine and serotonin. Happiness that is fleeting. Temporary. Something that happens to us. On the surface and dependent on other things. Then he contrasted joy as being so much more…how it comes from the Lord and happens in us. We are not responsible for finding it, because it is not hidden. We are not burdened with obtaining it, God brings it and sustains it. And then my heart heard: you can be joyful even when you are not happy. Wait. What?
Yes, a closer look confirms joy is far more than happiness. More than our circumstances. It is not fleeting nor temporary. It is provided through our willingness to glorify God in every circumstance- wether alone or with people, laughing or heavy hearted. During feasts or through famines. Our goal, our burden, is to put God in the proper position in our lives. He will provide the rest. And how sweet it is that joy and worship go hand in hand.
Worship the right thing, joy will rise.
So it became crystal clear in that moment of Sunday preaching: when I am worshipping and praising God, I am tasting joy. When I keep my eyes on God in all circumstances, I am utilizing joy. When I abide in and submit to His will, I am sharing in His joy. When I lean in closer and not run farther from God, I am encountering joy. It is not necessarily shared with or dependent on others. And while worship can be shared and experienced corporately, joy is between me and God.
And your joy is between God and you.
As I discovered that joy and laughter are not the same thing, I found joy is not something us serious people have lost or misplaced or missed out on after all. It is already there, waiting for our return, our praise. Waiting for us to place God above all other things and then place ourselves in a position of willingness, surrender, obedience. There is where joy will find us.
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