Today, marriage is on my mind. Maybe because I see so much destruction around me, but also so much glorious redemption. And because our second daughter is getting married in three weeks. A cherished season to behold is fresh on my mind.
My husband and I have the privilege of being part of a marriage ministry at our church, where we facilitate a marriage enrichment study called re | engage. It is a passion of ours for obvious reasons: God has redeemed a once wrecked marriage and made it new through His mercy and grace. We know firsthand that a redeemed marriage is one of the boldest testimonies one can have in this world and one to be wildly celebrated.
By the worlds standards, we should no longer be together. We nearly ruined it in our own flesh as the enemy crept and plotted nearby, eager to watch us self destruct. But God...He restored it with his great love. No credit to us, all glory to Him. Now, 36 years in, it is the calling we are led to be part of. Are we perfect? Of course not. Do we have it all together? Nope. We still struggle…both as individuals and as a couple. But by trusting the work on the cross, we know our story belongs to God and we stay, even when it’s hard.
Now we fight for the marriage, rather than against it. And when we just can’t fight any more, we hold still, and He fights for us.
I think of the Israelites in Exodus. I mean, these people baffle me. But today, I am caught up with how relevant this story is to marriage. When the Israelites were escaping Egypt and Pharaoh took 600 of his best chariots and troops and pursued the fleeing people, his soldiers caught up with the Israelites and they were terrified. Of course they were. But the people cried out to God for help and Moses assured them: “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and see the Lords’ salvation that he will accomplish for you today; for the Egyptians you see today, you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you, and you must be quiet.” Exodus 14:13-14.
At times, we can all relate to their fear, wanting to flee, their lack of belief, lack of trust in God. And yet Moses instructs them to stop in the middle of a crisis, and be quiet. Ugh, how many times in my marriage over all these years I just could not be quiet. Anyone relate? I'd rather fight my own husband…the one human I was joined in covenant with. The one I promised my heart to. The one I vowed to share my life with. The one God gave me.
So this event in the Old Testament reminds me that sometimes, in a crisis, we are to simply be still and hold our peace, and allow room for God to reveal His plan. So often our battles in marriage are fear based. We are terrified of being fully known, afraid of being alone, and fear that we are hopelessly ruining the whole thing. Afraid of letting go of control, or terrified of being hurt. Fear is a strong emotion that can move us to drastic and hasty actions in a life threatening situation. But in our marriage, these fears can damage. If only we would be quiet.
When we want to fight each other, perhaps we can just be still, and wait on the Lord. He will fight for our marriage - it belongs to Him after all. He will fight our battles when the enemy is trying to destroy us. Or we are trying to destroy us. God is stronger and more powerful than any enemy, fear or disagreement. Let’s also note that it’s right after this moment in Exodus that God reveals the plan, the next action steps for the Israelites, and then the Red Sea parted. Such a huge victory after being instructed to be quiet and wait.
I can recall the exact moment the Red Sea parted in my own marriage, and we crossed from a terror of losing it all, to a total abundant safety. I can also see in hindsight that it was indeed a moment of quiet prayer for us, being still, just as it was for the Israelites. I am honestly blown away by the irony.
There are both times for action and times for prayer; we would be wise to consider which God is leading us to do in moments of a relationship crisis.
Marriage is incredibly important to God. It is the whole point. The bible begins and ends with marriage, bookends, if you like a metaphor. Let's not dismiss that not every believer is called to earthly marriage. There are faithful, followers of Jesus, who may not be in this type of covenant, and that is ok. We are all, first and foremost, the bride of Christ….we ALL have a marriage covenant with the bridegroom himself: Jesus. Whether God would have you in an earthly marriage is at His discretion and not a reflection of your own worth.
So, marriage. I can’t come up with any other cultural practice in the world that has been more experienced and destroyed, accepted and rejected, studied and witnessed, honored and attacked. If you are thinking of child birth and rearing events, those likely began with marriage. If you think of divorce or widowhood, those too started with marriage. These situations are not always the result of marriage, but generally speaking, they are designed to begin with the covenant of marriage.
So it is in the Bible, our own real story often begins and ends with marriage. Sure we have childhoods, but hopefully our marriages outlive our childhoods and are often when we really develop into who we will be in this world. Our childhood might be the backstory, but our marriage is how the whole story is read.
Even with marriage being holy, many of us have witnessed the absolute desecration of marriage in someone close to us, or ourselves. I saw it with my parents - several times - like many of you. Marriage in my upbringing was not valued or protected. Fast forward to my own marriage and while it was sometimes valued, it was certainly not protected. We were not Christians for the first half of our marriage and allowed flesh, sin and the world to stain us in sickening ways. We dishonored ourselves, our promise, and God, and it seemed impossible to reconcile. Maybe you have experienced that too. If it wasn't your own sin, maybe it was a tragedy or some other trial.
Through a long journey of surrender, confession, repentance, forgiveness, grace, obedience, and commitment, my husband and I are here today to shine His light. We are all in. Our bookends are holding tightly chapter after chapter illustrating how we messed up but then God reinvented us and made our broken mess whole again. A holy restoration. I could go on and on about this. If you actually know us, you have probably listened patiently to our passionate ranting about what God has done in our marriage and we love showing him off. (If there were emojis here, this is where I would insert raised praise hands!)
Back to the Bible, the first book on the shelf, Genesis, begins with marriage. Chapter 1 establishes the universe and then in chapter 2, we meet Adam and Eve and get our first instruction on marriage: This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh. Genesis 2: 24.
Fast forward to the last book of the Bible, Revelation, we see the full circle of marriage without the blemish of sin, as it was intended. Both the Spirit and the bride say, “Come!” Let anyone who hears, say, “Come!” Let the one who is thirsty come. Let the one who desires take the water of life freely. Revelation 22: 17. All are invited to the Heavenly wedding. Regardless of your earthy marriage status, or sin. If you are thirsty, you belong at the wedding feast. As believers, we are all the bride of Christ. It is what all this has led up to. If you have accepted the Lord as your Savior, and believe He died for you on the cross, then you are part of this perfect marriage! (More praise hands here!)
In closing today I'll ask you...what titles do you have on your bookshelf? Do you have your own Red Sea chapter? What does your bookshelf say about you and your marriage? Can you be quiet when you want to be hasty with your words? Can you trust God to fight for your marriage when you simply cannot? Can you honor God with this promise you have made to love this person well? How will you steward this gift, your marriage? Can you position your heart toward your spouse in the middle of a crisis? Can you trust God to bring your story into His beautiful completion?
Have you prayed for your marriage today?
May this encourage you and be a new mile marker in taking a stand for your spouse. Protect your bookshelves my friends, and never let the world dismantle it. If you are facing an impossible situation, let God fight for you and have hope. If you have a beautiful marriage, celebrate and cherish it. If you have been redeemed, share with others so that God may be glorified!
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