Yesterday was not my best day as a follower of Christ. I had a panic attack and then experienced a suffocating wave of general anxiety. Not uncommon occurrences lately.
If anxiety is a storm, I'm terribly weather-beaten.
Ugh.
Anxiety has held me hostage more than a few times over the years. In fact, it needs its own category in this blog site. It will come up again. I have wrestled it, managed it, stood up to it, and also succumbed to it. I have stared it down and spent time getting acquainted with it. It seems to be a part of me, in a stalking shadowy winnowy figure sort of way. Do you struggle with this too?
Though much of anxiety amps up in our heads, it manifests from our bodies. We can feel it as physically real as a heart attack. Ever had panic that made the world go black? Yeah, it's a real drag. So our thoughts and feelings and emotions are like highways…criss crossing all about as traffic inside our brains.
Imagine 5 o'clock on the interstate traffic with off-ramps and onramps and urgent lane changes and brake lights and sirens and overpasses. Our nervous system senses threats. Neurons fire off and chemicals flush through us. Quickly, we encounter a physical response. We feel erratic heart beats, sweaty palms, nausea, weak legs, rapid breathing. There is, in the world of psychiatry, much debate of where anxiety begins. Some science shows it stems from certain imbalances in our chemistry. Some research says it begins in our thoughts. For me, it starts there, in my body. It starts with fear. Fear is a titanium tough emotion built into us for our protection, but relies heavily on the body's nervous system to initiate and sustain it. Think "fight or flight".
But when there is no real actual threat, fear becomes nothing more than a lie. Our body has been decieved and should quickly return to home base. But for some of us, our thoughts stay activated and become irrational. And for some of us, take over.
For me, anxiety comes on at no particular time or event. Well, actually it does get worse in the evening. I haven’t figured out why. But aside from that, it just looms in the shadows and gets stuck in the pit of my stomach usually with no warning. And surely without any reasonable explanation. It begs for attention. All my attention. Once I buy in, it sucks me in like a vortex tunnel with no gravity.
Unless I can slow the vortex just long enough to calm my body, and speak truth to myself.
You may have heard, “do not fear” and “fear not” are stated in the Bible more times than any other instruction. We are also given a multitude of lessons on trusting God, feeling secure, safe with God. We are told not to feel anxious or worry, and to not fret, for God will care for our every strand of hair. We are also given direction on taking our thoughts captive and not letting them rule us. And furthermore, not becoming a slave to our emotions. Basically, you must combat every lie in your anxious heart with one of God’s truths. If only it were all so simple right?
Remember, you are not alone.
If you struggle with anxiety, you know when the vortex is ramping up. In that moment, the first thing you can do is take a quick inventory of the reality of the situation: are you in real danger? Are you in a real physical crisis? Is your life really at risk? Is the elevator actually stuck? Is the bridge literally cracking under you right now? If any of these are true, embrace fear and let it drive you to physical safety.
More likely though, none of these things are actually happening. You are ok in this moment. Breathe deeply, and slow. Notice where you are, touch a texture near you, get grounded in reality. Then, speak truths to yourself…God is with you, in the storm. He loves you, cares for you, protects you, will fight for you, has you cradled in the palm of his hand and will never forsake you. He will not leave you floundering in that moment. God wants you to focus your thoughts on Him, and not let them spiral out of control. Cry out to Him. See Him.
You are held.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8 ESV
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9 ESV
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